Bet's Journal v. 5.0

I am a very lazy person, sloth all the way for me. This means that all through my years of chronic depression it's been hard to tell where my depression ends and my laziness begins which doesn't do much to make me feel any better, you know. Well, I'm usually better in the summer and I think I haven't been as good as I am this particular summer in a long time, if ever actually. It's helping me see a bit clearer that my laziness isn't nearly as horribly profound as I thought it was and that all those times I didn't want to go to school or work, or even a gathering of people of any kind, it wasn't only because I was a no good, lazy homebody. sure, that was a part of it, but for the most part, it was my illness.

I figured this out big time today. One of the women working in the kitchen told me that I wouldn't be working on Monday. My normal reaction to this should be sheer joy and while I'm happy I get to stay up late on Sunday too, my initial reaction was, "Are you guys crazy? Mondays are really busy!" I then hoped she was wrong and asked the shift manager and found out that I indeed do have Monday off. It made me fret about how everyone would be out of clean stuff by the time I got back. I'd probably work even harder if I didn't have weak and tiny feet holding up a huge body and thus I'm tired really fast and need to sit down a lot. I'm just glad it's the sort of job where I actually can do that without any hassle. I get shit done, yo.

I heard a song I really like on the radio on the way home and expletetives had been deleted. It really offended me for the following reason.

The song was Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge, a really twisted, violent and awesome song. The chorus is as follows:

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear

I want to fucking tear you apart.

Now if you're going to be bitching about this song being offensive, are you really going to tell me that the only word you have a problem with in there is "fucking"? So it's okay to tear a girl apart, as long as you don't swear while you do it? So yeah, that was basically all. That song does not offend me, it's as twisted as my twisty brain, but it offends me that people who do take offense always take offense to cursing and sex long before they even blink at violence. Fuck you, censors. You suck.

Monday I went to town, helped grandma with the shopping and her printer, went to class, bought loads of books, snogged my nummy treat, drove around town with Tobba, went to Ikea and

Yesterday I assembled Ikea goods like a motherfucking adult with a screwdriver, tidied the place up, went shopping, cooked dinner and arranged furniture then had a TV show marathon.

Today I trimmed my hair, did lots of laundry, studied, made my brother vacuum and then ate a huge bowl of salad, nom nom nom. AND cut my brother's hair


Winter depression has NOT caught up with me yet. *marches on*

All this AND keeping up with my tags, ho yeah.

Tomorrow: Trim bunny nails, been meaning to do that all week.

Randomly, Plato was a bit of a dick and Intentional fallacy is spot on. If there is no mention of blue elephants in the text, don't make me write about the author's penchant for them. Go, go, go new criticism! /Study notes.

I must confess that I am nostalgic and retroactively narcissistic. I look at my old photos and go, "Oh my God, I'm beautiful. I'd do me!" Back then. Back then...

So there begins my journal entry since I figured that if I can write a make-believe journal entry for my darling Rose (Character in Convergence) I can get my lazy ass to write one for myself, am I right? The last few weeks have sincerely sucked. Sincerely.

Where do I even start? How about seven weeks of flu? That's a good beginning.

Seven. Fucking. Weeks. it started with weird migraines, moved over to swelling in my ears and then coughing and coughing and cold sweat and coughing and sleep, never ending sleep. I finally started getting better after four weeks or something but got stuck on that last stage of "I'm still sick, I can't shake it but I'm feeling mostly okay, I guess": In the last couple of weeks I've been rocking back and forth between feeling okay'ish-I-guess to coughing like crazy. Today there was a storm in my ears, it was... interesting.

While I was really sick I did nothing for school and right now it's a mad dash to absorb everything and try to memorize everything and it's crazy. Worse yet, I keep falling asleep everywhere at any time, doing whatever. I found a way to keep awake through lectures though. I downloaded the first game of Spyro the Dragon and it's mindless enough that I can study AND play.

Unfortunately I've finished all the mindless stages and have entered the OMG-FRUSTRATION stages of super charge, flight, jumps and crazy stunts so it's not quite as productive. I'll need to get another Spyro game if I want to pass the finals, me thinks. I think that has to be the most awesome sentence I've ever written in this journal.

I also managed to almost set fire to laundry. We have an American washing machine which doesn't boil laundry and I don't like chlorine. So mom suggested BOIL IT IN A POT! She used to do that and all. So, I'm sick remember? This was when I was still more sick and easily cold and whatnot. So I put stuff in a pot, luckily I have no big pots so there wasn't much stuff, just some rags and unmentionables. This is where you cover your mouths and giggle at the thought. I open the balcony door because it tends not to smell too awesome and because it's freezing out, I go under my comforter on the couch and plan to browse online while I wait. Next thing I know, I'm waking up to the smoke detector and there's so much smoke! UGH. It was vile.

The bunnies are unimpressed, my brother was asleep too so all I can think is, if we didn't have a smoke detector, we'd be screwed! I did not feel particularly smart and the apartment smelled bad for at least a day and a night. Thankfully I still had the awesome vanilla scented candle mom gave me - it saved my sanity a little.

And then there are my shows. I'm so close to just ditching Supernatural. Hell I felt tempted to sell the first three seasons I have purchased on DVD. They need to stop insulting their fans. How can they not see that insulting your fans and poking fun of them is a really fucking lame thing to do. The show is so full of racism, sexism and homophobia that sometimes I have to wonder just why I'm still watching. It's not even because Jensen is so full of pretty that it saves the show anymore. I've gotten tired of him and the show does all it can to show the boys to us in bad light.

One episode it's all: Goofy ;D The next it's all: Broody :|
Yet another episode and suddenly everyone is talking with wannabe Darth Vader voices. To quote Victor Borge ♥ "How low can a man get!"

The highlights of my last 7 weeks of flu season were that my birthday was awesome. My friend Tobba came over and cooked for us as well as bringing the most delicious chocolate cake in the whole world. Seriously, that stuff is like heroin, only tasty and doesn't kill you. It does turn you into an unrestrained beast, however, snarling and hungry for more.

Mom came over when I was at my sickest. It's always nice to have mommy around when you're sick and mine just happens to be fun too. So we watched Glee together and The Boat that Rocked. I gobbled down anti bacterial stuff for two weeks which pretty much did nothing and slept. A lot.

I watched a movie the other night, Ink, and fell in love with it half way through. Up until then I wasn't that impressed but the concept and the whole motive just really touched on a part of me that few things get to. The same spot The Grey Gentlemen touched on. Plus it's about dream worlds, it could have sucked and I still would have loved it. I've watched it twice now... Three times if you count the time I watched it with the sound off to get screencaps for twee_icons.

There's no news of the bunnies. They're still cute as hell, flopping around and Broddi's been binkying like crazy lately. I just feel compelled to give them a mention since not a day goes by without a "Psst, look at the bunnies! Awwwwwwww".

Ugh, I need to update more often to avoid this lengthy ramble! Later, folks. Later.

I had completely given up hope of the rabbits ever getting along - all three of them. I let them out separately to play, Boo and Pip together, Broddi alone. It seems like their play time apart still helped, they got used to each others' scent, could sniff and communicate through the bars and now? They're all together! I'm amazed and happy as can be. So much less hassle and Broddi is no longer alone! :D

Other news... Uni is overwhelming, tests in two weeks and I'm pretty much lost.

Tonight I went to say goodbye to deppo, she's moving to England and will be sorely missed. Had a lovely time, even if I realized that chocolate cake is both expensive and makes me sleepy. No more of that, until next time I've forgotten.

7am, still awake. Lunatic!

Dregnar eru litmjúkar dauðrósir á hryngjörn lauf í haustskógi. Svo voru þínir dagar sjúkir en fagrir, þú óskabarn ógæfunnar.

Which roughly translates to, "Drawn are soft colored death roses on (prone to fall) leaves in a forest of autumn. Thus were your days sick but beautiful, you wish child of misfortune."

It's insanely "emo", but I like it a lot for some reason. In Icelandic for the most part. This concludes my finals, yes the last one was The History of Icelandic Literature, how did you guess? It was a mad dash for the finish line; the last task was to write a 200-250 words blurb about a selected author and I was running out of time.

Four minutes to twelve and it went something like this: Typing typing (doing word count, ack not enough) typing typing (doing word count... more more!) typing typing typing... time's up!

I finished the sentence and counted. 250 words.

Perhaps now I can stop with the insomnia... starting now?

Man yesterday... It was of the bad.
I've been sleeping really badly (read: Not really sleeping) and dozed off on the sofa for a bit. Then I woke up to a knock on the door and for some reason this really freaked me out. I jumped up off the sofa to run to the door and while doing so, opened my eyes. AS YOU DO.
Next thing I know it felt like someone had stabbed me in the eye. EYE STABBY! So by the time I get to the door I'm both groggy as hell and clutching my eyes (the other hurt because it was too bright apparently). Turns out the knocking person is my friend Tobba who came over because I wasn't answering the phone (It was on silent... did I do that on purpose? Fuck knows). So she's trying to talk to me, I'm incoherent as hell, clutching my eye and flailing. Man that hurt.

Painkillers and a nap made most of the pain go away, it felt better if it was dark so I put a sweater over my head and slept for a couple of hours. Would have loved to sleep for longer but I had to get up and go to Tobba's because we had this presentation to finish. I just finished the power-point part now, by the way. 5 minutes before deadline. Because I'm anal as fuck, even now when I'm having one of the worst bouts of depression I've had in years (I'm not really unhappy as such, I just don't function. At all).

It was fun though, at Tobba's. As usual when we work together (Tobba, me and Elva) we end up talking for four hours and working for one... Yeah, most of the night was spent just rambling and laughing. That did the soul good, for sure. At one in the morning we're going, "Uh, so we should probably do this project here, shouldn't we?" Considering we're supposed to do this presentation *checks watch* Yup, in 2 hours...

Well, four. We decided to show up late and ask if we can leave early. Since all three of us are dysfunctional as hell right now. Seriously, we're the dysfunctional team at school. Tourettes, ADHS, depression, bi-polar...ism? We're the friggin three stooges. I heart them.

Also, people are going to think I'm doing this on purpose. What is it with me and becoming friends with small girls with glasses. Usually girls who have a Mary Poppins syndrome as in they always have everything that may possibly be necessary in any given situation. This time I went home with eyedrops, because Tobba just happened to have some. Cute little girls with glasses, I collect them! I HOARD them!

(...Even most of my online friends seem to display this quality o_o )

Also, I'm using my zombie party icon because... I'm a zombie today. I've been a zombie for a few days now actually and I think... I may be beginning to smell like one too! Time to enjoy the fact that Mr. Plumber showed up yesterday and fixed the tub ♥

When I started school I had every intention of later going to learn sociology stuff at uni when I graduate. But today I have completely changed my mind. I have an artist's nature and that sort of work would CRUSH MY SOUL. It has thus been decided that I shall talk to a counselor to find something that suits me better and if nothing pops up I'm taking English. I'll want to work as an editor and hopefully a writer. I feel relieved having made this decision, like I'm finally on the right track somehow. I wouldn't really have come to this conclusion without the chat I had with my brother as I'd been pretty wishy-washy about the whole thing up until today. I informed mom and she said she was super relieved to hear it because being a social worker would CRUSH MY SOUL. Oh hai there brain twin.

I'm going to look into the options of learning from home too for the most part. I'm feeling optimistic and a bit more alive today than I have been in a while. There's also a lot of great things going on in my roleplay world. Great big dramaz at Praelitis and I have some big scenes in the works. Having so much fun and my confidence in myself is better than it has been in a long time.

All this and I haven't even started listening to the hypnosis cd I bought! The one my brother went, "Oh no please don't tell me you paid money for that!" But fuck that, I believe in this stuff and maybe it'll help me some. If not - at least I tried!

Just came home from dinner with mom and grandma, we had such a good time (and such good food!). I'm still not in the clear but I'm feeling a lot better.

Also. Werewolves.