Bet's Journal v. 5.0

huh. So, my bank credit went down to -668.000 but my student loans are only 444.000. This is ... AWESOME. Especially since I have no income right now and my rent is 68.000 and due in just a week or so.

Seriously. What the eff? So apparently I "only" had 60 credits out of 80 but I know people whose student loans are higher than mine and yet they were in the SAME FUCKING COURSE.

Add to that I'm having a minor melt-down (and this before I checked the bank) today, my meds are being weird to me, I can feel my fucking veins and am having that 'electric current' thing I used to have with zoloft.

AND so typical. I've been meaning to upload this thing for ages about all the good shit in my life but I only get the energy when I have something to bitch about. Typical. Now, where'd I put my doctor? -_-

One week and this chapter of my life will be over. It's hard to believe I've come this far when it feels like I sleepwalked through the whole winter. There were essays and projects and I found the courage to stand up on stage in front of people I do not know. I learnt a lot about myself in the last few months and yet not much changed. I must give myself credit for my courage though, for finding it again. Now I just need to find ways to exercise it outside of the safety of school.

It sounds amusing to speak of the safety of school when my whole life school was something vaguely unpleasant, but to study in an environment such as Keilir is amazing. The youngest student is about 21 years old, the oldest I'll guess is closing somewhere in their 50's. It's relaxed and friendly and I can definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to go to university but lacks the educational foundation.

I won't lie, there were countless flaws. It's a new institution and everything is not perfect yet. Most of them were easily overlooked, others not so much but some of those have been remedied already. Overall I'm going to miss the place and it feels weird to be leaving already.

The summer is a big unknown. Money is tight and there is no work to be had. I'm unusually calm about that, it'll work out somehow, it always does. "Þetta Reddast".

Yesterday someone made me cry, today someone made me laugh with righteous anger and mad glee. Now I've reached a state of zen AND I have pizza. Once I've devoured said pizza it is time to go study for the math final.

I am getting a little stressed. But the kind of stressed that is too easy to ignore since I'm only about 10% present in real life at the moment. If that much. But that 10% of me is going, "dude... Finals are coming up and you have a lecture to make on Friday as well as a gigantic essay to turn in next week and that small essay in a language you don't speak to do soon (when? oh shit) and then FINALS and you didn't use the vacation to learn all that math because you were about 10% present in real life and holy fucking fuck! And then I think, "Just three weeks and it's over! Hallelu- ...wait, no wait. That means school will be over and you don't have a job or any other income and you still have to pay rent and your brother is still unemployed and there's no work to be had anywhere and not like you did well at working even if there was work available and even if you were good at work and got work that'd still be a month where you get no money and students aren't eligible for unemployment benefits unless they had work in the last three years and you haven't been working in years because you were on disability and holy fuck rent is expensive and you're stuck with this apartment until August and hey maybe you should keep renting here because it's not like you'll find another apartment this cheap (but so so expensive) and you can't really put yourself, your mom and you brother through moving back home to mom's and what the fuck are you going to do? Oh and finals!"

The 10% of me present in real life likes run on sentences. It also likes sleeping. And staring at nothing.

Now where did I put that mathbook (of doom)

Meme: Comment to this post and I will give you five subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.

keksmitmilch gave me these five: Praelitis, bunnies, family, writing, TV shows.

Without further ado!

Praelites
My favorite game! It has eaten my soul and made me a part of its nutrition base rather than shit me out unhappy and frustrated like most games do. It's helped me grow as a writer and allowed me to bring characters to life that I would have ignored otherwise.

My characters there, in order of appearance:
Rose Dailey
Nate Alden
Aaron Lancaster
Frank Alden
Ian Choosearandomlastname

Most of them have links to their logs at the bottom if you're curious to read any. I luff them all!

Bunnies
You've heard of the crazy cat ladies? I'm the crazy bunny lady. Okay I don't have a HORDE, but I have three and I luff them. They don't give me allergies either so double love for them. I first got Penelope Pip, when I was still unsure if I should get a bunny. I'd spent about a month reading all I could find about them to be sure if I could handle the responsibility and I was still pondering. Then I saw this white little girl sitting all alone in the pet store. People apparently didn't want her because she looked dirty. She has some grey and pale yellow-brown in her fur and a lot on her feet, people? Are wankers. She's such a lady, very proper, but also brave, curious, strong and funny.

I needed a buddy for her and this was back before there was adoption available for bunnies in Iceland, or at least none I could find. so I headed back and I bought Benjamin Boo. He was kind of the opposite of Pip. Scared (still is, scaredy bunny, scared of everything), distrustful, grumpy. But they bonded right away and have been inseperable since! He was always sick for the longest time, always something wrong with him. After he got neutered his left hindleg went numb and he couldn't feel it. There'd been a vet mistake (they shouldn't use Ketamine on bunnies but they still do! Their legs are too small for the needle so there's a risk of paralyzis, vets SHOULD use gas like they do on kittens). After dealing with constantly trying to bandage it because Boo kept gnawing on it, it had to be amputated. Today he's far healthier, if a little too fat but he gets a lot of exercise and I don't feed him too many treats... He's just gimpy and fat like his mommy ^_^

My third bunny wasn't planned at all. Broddi Bítukall. My friend got him for her other bunny but they hated each other. I bunnysat for her one time and when she took him home he was miserable. She asked if I wanted him and sure, why the hell not. He's aggressive, dominant, grumpy and difficult and he doesn't get along with the other bunnies so we have to keep him seperate from them. Still, he's hilarious and snuggly too so it isn't all bad. I've tried to bond the three of them which is tricky since it could destroy the bond Boo and Pip have but it seems to be too strong for that! Yay. He's too dominant and aggressive and he actually made Pip ...whimper. o.O So yeah... let's just keep them apart.


Family
Right! My family is huge. But tiny. Yup, that makes no sense does it. Well, my dad moved away when I was three and had a horde of bebes! Okay, four, but still. So I have this giant family on the other side of the planet, literally. Back here at home there's me, mom and my brother, Gunnar. To be fair, grandma's now kind of in that mix too after my granddad died. I have oodles and oodles of cousins and aunts and uncles who are freakin awesome but I'm not freakin awesome so I don't talk to them as often as I'd like. As for family plans - unless something (me) changes drastically in the next 2-3 years, I won't be having kids. I don't see myself in a relationship even, I'll just be that odd spinster with bunnies. This doesn't make me sad either! Sometimes I think it'd be nice to have a partner but I don't feel like I'm the type. I prefer writing emotions over actually having them. Of course I won't rule out that one day I might meet someone and break all my rules- that's what life does to you, it throws you a curveball and whatnot, but right now? Yup, that's the future plan. Bunnies. Writing. Spinster. I'll just be Signorina Bet!

Writing
I used to write poetry and whatnot when I was younger and while angsty and teenagery, some of it was apparently really good. Writing is something I want to do for a living, whether it's editing other people's work or writing little articles or actually going ahead and finding an artist to put together graphic novels. That would be ace! I was planning on going into social work but nope. Why deny it. I may not have a talented bone in my body but I have an artistic soul so I'll just have to fake it! ;)

TV shows
For someone who never watches TV I sure as hell watch a lot of shows! I download them and if I like them I buy them on DVD. Because I like to hoard good things. I'm currently devouring Being Human, Medium, TSCC, Life and Skins and my all time favorites are Farscape, Firefly, Supernatural, Law&Order SVU... I'm probably forgetting some but yeah, I love TV shows. Movies tend to drag on and on and I'm not always in the mood for that but 40 minutes of compact action awesomeness? I'm in!

So uh, any reason I'm getting "whee birthday book!" notifier in the mail five times? o_O and not like all at once either so it's not that sort of glitch just. Randomly I'll get that in the mail. Think it's been three days now but I could be wrong. I had to go to my deleted folder and count to be sure. Hello? I already see it in my inbox on here. Wth? *pokes with a sharp stick* Knock it off.

Other than that. AUGH. I really need to NOT forget my meds. Seriously. Woke up with that headache and am all sorts of groggy and shit. Also can't reach my project partner and haven't been able to since fucking Wednesday. We both have the bout of seasonal oh fuck I don't want to do anything thing going on and I'm beginning to worry she flaked on me. I did part one of the assignment - she did part two and was supposed to hand it in. Without confirmation, I'm getting antsy! I trust her, I adore her but I. Need. Confirmation.

I tried to reintroduce the bunnies this weekend and it's just not going to happen, that much is certain. Broddi is just mean. Boo and Pip have stopped the bickering, they no longer freak out and fight each other if they smell him, in fact they were just perfect little bunnies who could have made a new friend. But no. He just wanted to dominate and bite and be a vicious little hellhound bunny so yeah... he gets no friends. This is going to be tricky!

Shit he was neutered MONTHS ago, you'd think he'd mellow out! D:

My favorite game is snoozing, everyone is quiet, big plots coming up and I just hope people will be there for them. In the meantime I'll be in PSL land, gimme a call when February is over.

More madness in Reykjavík. Can we just please carry those fucking politicans outside and throw them in the harbor or something? They are so fucking SMUG! :O

( Another video I don't want to lose yet )

Putting this here because my friend was there and I want to find this easily again when it's no longer headlines... man, things got stupid fast.

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