bet: (frelling wormholes //chiana farscape)
[personal profile] bet
I am a very lazy person, sloth all the way for me. This means that all through my years of chronic depression it's been hard to tell where my depression ends and my laziness begins which doesn't do much to make me feel any better, you know. Well, I'm usually better in the summer and I think I haven't been as good as I am this particular summer in a long time, if ever actually. It's helping me see a bit clearer that my laziness isn't nearly as horribly profound as I thought it was and that all those times I didn't want to go to school or work, or even a gathering of people of any kind, it wasn't only because I was a no good, lazy homebody. sure, that was a part of it, but for the most part, it was my illness.

I figured this out big time today. One of the women working in the kitchen told me that I wouldn't be working on Monday. My normal reaction to this should be sheer joy and while I'm happy I get to stay up late on Sunday too, my initial reaction was, "Are you guys crazy? Mondays are really busy!" I then hoped she was wrong and asked the shift manager and found out that I indeed do have Monday off. It made me fret about how everyone would be out of clean stuff by the time I got back. I'd probably work even harder if I didn't have weak and tiny feet holding up a huge body and thus I'm tired really fast and need to sit down a lot. I'm just glad it's the sort of job where I actually can do that without any hassle. I get shit done, yo.

I heard a song I really like on the radio on the way home and expletetives had been deleted. It really offended me for the following reason.

The song was Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge, a really twisted, violent and awesome song. The chorus is as follows:

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear

I want to fucking tear you apart.

Now if you're going to be bitching about this song being offensive, are you really going to tell me that the only word you have a problem with in there is "fucking"? So it's okay to tear a girl apart, as long as you don't swear while you do it? So yeah, that was basically all. That song does not offend me, it's as twisted as my twisty brain, but it offends me that people who do take offense always take offense to cursing and sex long before they even blink at violence. Fuck you, censors. You suck.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-08-05 10:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vastatuuli.livejournal.com
This entry made me happy. Well, the first part at least. ;) Good to hear about progress. Dunno if that's even the right word, but it's good to hear you're doing better. I so often blame myself for being lazy too but I guess I should cut myself some slack sometimes. Maybe it's not even laziness as much as just not being able to see anything worth the effort - and while that could actually be laziness too, it sounds like depression. So go you for beating it :) Also, I sympathise on the feet issue, the world should acknowledge people with sensitive feet.

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